Of course I conveniently forgot or better yet neglected to tell you about the 21st of June. Corey invited me to his party in celebration of well I don't know. Oh wait yeah I do. His birthday. Sorry totally spaced there for a second. Okay so I invited Rhian to come with me. Surprised huh? Now might I add this wasn't a last minute invitation. I asked him earlier that week and he said yes we're on for Saturday.

Well, Saturday rolls around and I sent him a text because I happened to be in his area meeting with a parent about a nanny position. He calls me back and says him and his buddy drove up to West Allis to see the Nascar races but that he would definitely be home that night to come with me to the party. Awesome. I finally get to see him.

So it's 830 and I'm all excited and I told my mom Rhian was going to the party with me and do you know what she said...

"I dont know hunny. Don't count on that. You know Rhian has a habit of not following with through with plans. Just don't get your hopes up."

Great mom. Thanks. Jinx me. Love how she has faith. She's right though. I always try not to get my hopes up with him because something always happens. She's not supposed to know that though. Ugh.

Ok so it's 9 now and I hit him up to see when he would be out my way. He responds back by telling me the race was delayed because it rained and that it was still going on and that I should turn to Espn2 to watch it. I couldn't help but shake my head. As if I really wanted to watch the stupid race that was fricking up my plans.

I watched it anyway. So I'd know when it was over. Once that happened I hit him up to see if he would still come. "If it's not too late." He always says that. I was mad and bummed and left and went to the party. My friend David was there so I was happy to see him. We talked and had some drinks and what not. Rhian sent a text that he got pulled over. Great. I was worried and asked if he needed anything and no response. Whatever. A few cups of jungle juice later me, john, manny and corey were all in the hot tub. Most of everyone else invited had gone home.

By my 5th cup of jungle juice which I should probably tell you I have no idea whats in it aside from bottles of Everclear. It looked like pink kool aid though. Anywho the rest of the night is pretty blurry. I remember it being me manuel and corey in the hot tub. I was sitting in between Corey legs just relaxing and chris was being all close and touchy grabby. At some point I remember Corey attempting to finger me and although it did happen I'm one of those people who if you're not doing it just right then let's just skip to the real deal. Next thing I remember is him trying to put it in and it just wouldn't go in. So I grabbed it and put it in for him. Or for me lol. We hooked up in the hot tub and he stopped and said we'd finish later. I was too wasted to care so I said okay. I remember going inside freaking out to John and Manny about what happened but they just told me to relax and that me and Corey are really good friends so we'd be fine. I ended up throwin my towel over my head and sitting at the breakfast bar and passed out.

Later Corey woke me up and asked if I wanted to go to sleep. God yes I did. Then he asked if I wanted to take a shower. Sure why not. To my surprise we ended up having sex in the bathroom. We went from standing up to in the shower. I remember just watching the whole thing happen. Afterwards I washed the marker off of his back, we got out, he gave me a shirt and some shorts and I crashed on the chair in the living room and him in the other because people were sleeping in every other available space. Oh what a night.

Needless to say me and him haven't been the same. Oh well, right. I usually lose interest in people after sex anyway. I just don't want that to happen. I don't want to forget him. Or push him to the side. But him being distant now isn't helping. It totally sucks.

I know what you're proably thinking. How could I sleep with Corey when I'm so into Rhian I know. Thats what alcohol does to you sometimes. I think part of me was mad at him. Upset that Rhian is who I want yet I can't have him because he won't let me. Blah. But this whole week I have felt sick to my stomach with guilt everyday. Even though we're not together I know he's the only one I care about so me hooking up with Corey meant nothing and made me sick to my stomach the last 6 days. Horrible.

♥ I feel you in my heart, and I don't even know you {: 11:47 PM